Doc.
Those pills you gave me for my back?
I'm not sure that they work.
I'm not sure either, but you don't hear me complain.
Stop by the office at the end of the afternoon.
Thanks, Doc.
They're kidding, right?
No, they're not kidding. This is your movie.
This is small-town America.
Town in New Hampshire was small-town America too.
$40,000 a day to shoot on the street. Then they kick us out.
That's life in the movie business. But look here
A jacket for five dollars. I could buy this whole town for 50 bucks.
- You said that about the last town. - They never shot a movie here.
I'm bleeding, Bill. I'm bleeding.
- Why am I here? - What can pass for the old mill?
There you go.
'The Waterford Mill, built 1825. Long a tourist attraction. '
Wake up Uberto.
- We're here. - Where are we?
Give him a cigarette.
They sended the old mill from New Hampshire?
They're holding it for ransom.
- We build one? - They got one.
We build a firehut?
Okay. But we have to lose the window.
We can't lose the window.
Then I can't do this shot, Wally.
You wants me to push in through the window.
Look! I can't push in through the window.
- We go back to New Hampshire? - No.
We can't ever go back to New Hampshire.
No. We're going to stay here.
This is what my people died for
The right to make a movie in this town.
That traffic light.
What was wrong with the old traffic light?
I'm glad you asked.
I'll tell you what was wrong with it. It was behind the times.
- Morning, darling. - Morning.
You want to bring business to this town?
You have to plan for a Waterford that does not exist at this moment.
You have to live in the present, folks. You cannot live in the past.
Good morning.
- Hi, Annie. - Hi, Carla.
Annie, I'll be a little late for the rehearsal tonight.
Okay, Maude. Do you know your lines?
I know them. I don't know what order they come in.
We'll work it out.
What shall we have that's good to eat? Something yummy.
- What're they on about? - Traffic light.
Jack's right. Public office is a public trust.
This is why this is America.
Right. Question is, who owns the street?
That is the question.
Lots of room.
Marty, we got a new town. Yeah. It's...
- Where are we again? - Waterford, Vermont.
Waterford, Vermont. It's...
Where is it? That's where it is.
Here, Talk to Bill.
You got to get me Main St. For nothing.
I will.
Marty. Bill. Okay, put her on.
Kathy. Stand by.
Everyone goes to Waterford, Vermont.
Well, look on a bigger map.
- God, she makes me cranky. - May I help you?
Yeah. I'd like to speak to the manager.
Would you like a room?
No. We want to rent the whole hotel.
Because. Because.
Because we don't have to build an old mill. They have one.
Yeah, It's on a stream. That's where you put an old mill.
They run on water.
Okay, I'm looking at... I've got scene twelve.
Come in.
Thank you.
- Shouldn't you be in school? - It's night.
Scene twelve: The arrival at the mill.
Alright, Work it out and get back to me.
- Mr. Price? - What?
What is it? We're working.
'Bring it in on time, there'll be more of these. Marty.
P.S. I want to talk to you about a product tie-in. '
Somebody make a note. I want li...
- What does the broad like? - Lilacs.
Ok, A truckload of lilacs when the broad comes.
And get something for Bob Barrenger. What does he like?
- Bob Barrenger's in this movie? - That's correct.
He's staying here? Bob barrenger's...
- What does he like? - Fourteen-year-old girls.
Well, get him something else. Let's get out of here in one piece.
Get him half a 28-year-old girl.
How's my math?
Who wanted these story boards?
Sound department said there's no hold up on the KMR81.
Two of the caterers are down with botulism.
And Uberto says he can't take this shot
without taking out the firehouse window.
I need my lucky pillow.
Walt, we must talk about her nude scene.
I need that permit to shoot on Main St.
I need to speak to the Mayor.
- Speak to him. - We can't find him.
- Aren't you ever in school? - There's other things to be learned.
- Is that true? Like what? - Like the Mayor's here.
- What's his name? - Mr. Bailey.
- Hi, Mr. Bailey. - You got to do these again.
Okay
Mr. Bailey. Mr. Bailey.
Walt Price. I'm going to be your director.
I lost my typewriter.
I have to tell you, I cannot express to you how happy...
- We're glad to have you here. - Well...
No phone calls, I'm with the Mayor.
Yes, can I speak to my wife, please?
This isn't our firehouse.
No, it's a firehouse in New Hampshire.
Why did you leave New Hampshire?
Would you like a cigar?
- Aren't these illegal? - Why would they be?
Well, the trade embargo against Cuba.
Nobody tells me anything.
Well, you know, Walt...
I'd like to say that anything I could do...
That's very kind of you. As a matter of fact, one...
- I hate to bother you... - Not at all.
We need a shooting permit for Main St.
Whatever you need.
- The city council will have to pass... - The city council.
Yeah, pass on your permit. But that's less than a formality.
- It is? - Yeah. I am the city council.
Well, Mr. Mayor, that's very kind of you.
My wife would like to invite you to have dinner with us, at our home.
I'd like to welcome you. And I hate to be a pain...
Oh, I would be delighted. Are you kidding me?
I won't take more of your time...
- Not at all. - I can't imagine the responsibility.
Actually, I can, because...
once I had to video my grandniece's confirmation.
Walt, it's Marty on the coast.
- We'll see you Tuesday for dinner. - It's a great pleasure meeting you.
- Thank you. Thank you. - Bye- bye.
I found your lucky pillow.
It's Marty on the coast.
Of course he's on the coast. Where's he going to be, the Hague?
What? Marty! Hi.
The new town's cheaper than the old town. We'll save a fortune.
Because we don't have to rebuild the old mill.
They've got an old mill. They've got a firehouse.
Baby, baby, baby. I want to save the money just as much as you do.
Just put it on the end of the counter there.
Right on the counter.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. You wiped out the board.
Dinner with the mayor. Write it big.
Just what we need, to miss that dinner with the Mayor.
Marty, we must talk about the schedule.
I need an extra day on the dead horse gag.
I'm serious.
It gets worse. I need another half day on the old mill pond.
We can't shoot in the old mill.
Marty, one sec... Call me back. Two minutes.
We can't shoot in the old mill.
I just talked to the mayor he told me anything we need.
- It burnt down. - When did it burn down?
'Part of a spate of suspicious fires, the old mill... '
- You said they had an old mill. - 'Suspicion of arson.
The fires, believed set by a teenager...
were the inspiration for the Waterford Huskies. '
Hi
Must it be an old mill? Where have you been?
I was in New Hampshire at the old location.
We can't shoot the old mill.
That's the truest words you'll ever hear.
They told me there would be jokes. Kid the new guy.
- That's not quite it. - The old mill burnt down.
'- Can't you build the old mill? - We're out of money.
You built it in New Hampshire.
They're holding the old mill for ransom.
Why did we have to leave New Hampshire?
Hello? Marty.
What would they have used instead of an old mill? I need it tonight.
- Marty, you were saying? - I can't write it.
Why?
- I lost my typewriter. - Get Mr. White a typewriter.
I can only write on manual.
I know the feeling.
Typewriter for Mr. White!
You know, that's a lie. You know, that's a real fault.
It's not a lie, it's a gift for fiction.
Off you go.
Bill.
- How big is this horse? - Fifteen hands.
What is that in fingers? Just kidding. Get me this horse.
- That horse is booked. - Get me this horse.
Tell the guy I'll give him an associate producer credit.
I'll give the horse an associate producer credit.
Put a VHS, an air-conditioner and a fridge in that room, she'll blow.
The labor with a first child
can sometimes be prolonged, as much as...
What's an associate producer credit?
It's what you give to your secretary instead of a raise.
This isn't Evian water.
- It's water. - Can't sign for it. Sorry.
- She's going to blow. - You rewire.
I rewire, I got to tear out half the wall.
I'm looking for my typewriter.
I found lilacs!
Why don't you put them in her room?
Tommy, you got to send somebody running for a new dead horse.
Did they find my typewriter?
Oh, my God.
I told you! All of you get back! This man is a guest here!
- Hi, I'm... - Sir, I know who you are.
- Bob Barrenger, I'm with the movie. - Sir, we're so...
Front! Front!
I know everybody says this, but I've seen every one of your movies.
Show Mr. Barrenger to his room.
Your room's 214 through 217. I'm Scott Larkin.
Anything you need, this is my private line.
Thank you, Scottie. I'm just here to do a job...
- Hey, Bob - Hey, Tommy.
Heard your wife's having a baby. Do you know who the father is?
- They think it's your first wife. - That could be.
Get out of here.
I'll get you a list of Mr. Barrenger's dietary requirements.
Chuckie, not today. Mr. Barrenger's just arrived.
That's all right.
Chuckie. How do you spell that, son?
With an IE?
- Chuck, what are your hobbies? - Baseball!
Baseball?
Chuckie...
that's the national sport.
Thank you.
Here you go, Dad.
In the land of freedom, we get to choose what we have for breakfast.
You think that's nothing, go live under Communism.
Here's your bowl of kasha Eat it and shut up.
Vanilla frappe. Two tuna BLT's.
- What's a Tuna BLT? - It's for the movie people.
Well, I'm glad of a little diversion. I'm glad they're here.
I'm saying, we have to look out for our own.
They want to close down Main St.
You want to talk about Main St., why don't you fix the pothole?
Doug, its... Three, four days.
You know what we'll have? A record of our wonderful life.
Annie, stick to the amateur theatricals. This is not quite the same thing.
This is big business, in which our life is no less a commodity than...
- Help me out here. Than our... - Water or mineral deposits.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
- I think they're nice. - I'm sure they are.
Why? Because they don't live under Communism.
Communism's over.
They said that about Warner Brothers, 1985...
but look at their price-per-share today.
Hard to argue with that.
Dad, I've got to go to Terry's to study.
Be home by nine.
I want to tell you something.
You stay soft all your life, people despise you.
It awakens avarice in them, they take advantage of you.
That's human nature.
Will you be home tonight?
I might have something important to tell you.
- What is it, a surprise? - That's right.
She could have done better than him.
It takes all kinds.
That's what it takes? I always wondered what it took.
Excuse me.
Your sign says you'll be back at two o'clock.
It's a quarter to three.
- You're doing a play. - Local drama group.
Northern Books.
No, it hasn't come in yet.
As soon as it does.
You too, Marge.
Small town. You have to make your own fun.
If you don't make it yourself, it ain't fun, it's entertainment.
See my point? Northern Books.
What can I do for you?
I need a typewriter.
We got them.
No, Henry James was the novelist. Frank James was a criminal.
Yeah, you came to the right place.
Jessie James was the brother.
Of the novelist, that's right.
That's all right, Susie. See you tomorrow, Susie.
- I'll rent this one. - Why not buy it? Forty bucks.
I had one, but they lost it.
Buy this, I'll get it spruced up good as new.
Better than new, because it has history.
Other one had history too. I wrote my play on it.
- What play is that? - You never heard of it.
What's it called?
Anguish.
Anguish by Joseph Turner White?
You're Joseph Turner White?
- That's right. - Afternoon, Annie.
Girls, this man wrote this play.
That a fact?
- Is it a good play? - Yes, Maude. It is a very good play.
A very good play, indeed.
- What's he doing here? - What're you doing here?
- Writing the movie. - You're writing the movie?
- Yeah - What's it about?
It's about the quest for purity.
Scene blah, blah, blah. They meet.
'Sister, I've just come from a fire. There're things I want to think out. '
That's bad because?
He wouldn't say that. Look:
'Sister, I've just come from a fire. There're things I want to think out. '
Come on. Come on. 'Leave me alone' a gesture, all right?
- What else? - Page three.
'Lt's a nice evening. ' I'm not going to say that 'It's a nice evening. '
- Come on. - Yeah, come in.
Joe, good. You know Bob?
I grew up on your movies.
You mind if I don't go through the usual bullshit
about how much I loved it?
I mean Ok, fine. But it's a motion picture.
- You'll bore them to death. - Come in.
I brought your sandwich.
Thanks, honey. Next time, bring two, save yourself a trip.
The people came to see a motion picture.
- Hold on. - No, no. You can go.
Page five: The fucking horse dies.
- She could be in the movie. - Oh, boy
She's got a good face. She could be the doctor's...
Why does it have to be his wife? It could be...
Bob, stick to business, will you?
- Can we do that? - You're absolutely right.
You go start with that stuff in this town...
Hey, everybody needs a hobby.
Okay, look. Page...
Claire.
You know Bob Barrenger?
I just saw Desert Sun. I want to tell you...
No, I was just learning on it.
How'd you like working with Richard Hill?
- Oh, I loved it. - He's a real...
Joe White.
How can I thank you?
How can I repay you for this part?
Thank you for this part. The first scene at the old mill...
Joe's been having some thoughts about the old mill scene, Claire.
What is there to think about?
The scene is perfect. I get to say...
Yeah, but, Joe's been, well, he's been having a few thoughts.
How many times in your life do you get a speech like that?
This scene is why I'm doing the movie.
'Look at the mill, Frank. Look at the way it goes around.
Half of the time, the darned wheel's under water, but still it rises up.
It rises up. As high as it can go. '
Yeah... That's true...
Joe, you want to...
tell Claire about the thoughts you've been having...
about the old mill scene.
So young, so innocent, so full of promise.
I beg your pardon?
I've got your typewriter.
I don't need it. I quit.
- You quit? - Quit the movie.
Why'd you quit?
Hey! Why would you quit?
Why I quit is not important. But thank you for your help.
Actually, I'm not sure if I quit. I think I got fired.
No.
I'm such a liar. I never could tell the truth.
Don't be hard on yourself.
But, I just got kicked off my first movie.
Well, everybody has reversals.
If you were never down, how would you know when you were up?
You have a gift for words.
It's in your play.
Evening, Annie. See you at rehearsal.
You know your line?
'Rise, one need not bend the knee before the throne of justice. '
- Go you Huskies. - Go you Huskies.
He leaves the clothing out all night?
Yup
- Isn't he afraid it'll get stolen? - Ain't worth stealing.
Only thing in town worth anything is that stained glass window.
Waterford historic firehouse, 1851.
Do you ever wonder why Dalmatian's the symbol of the firehouse?
First organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatian Sardinia...
in the year 642.
- That's why the Dalmatian? - It was either that or a sardine.
Morning, Bucky.
There you go, pal.
You grow up here?
Central High, and matinees, the Bijou Theater.
- Nice town. - Oh, yeah.
You want to talk about it?
You see...
the sanctity... of everyday things...
- Everyday things, yes. - For example:
He's coming from a fire and...
That's a fine house.
When you look at that, you know nice people live there.
I live there.
Really? With the porch swing and everything.
Surest thing you know.
I don't mean to impose, but...
do you think we might...
That's what the swing's there for.
That's what the swing is there for?
That's its purpose, isn't it?
I always thought so.
It's such a pleasant sound.
Because it's...
it's the simple things, that...
Well, there you are.
And have I got big news for you.
This is Joe White and this is...
My fiancé, Doug MacKenzie.
It's a pleasure.
Guess who is this close to a nomination to State Senate.
Which is this close to one step from Congress.
Who?
It was lovely meeting...
Mister White is working on the movie.
- It's a pleasure meeting you. - And we were just...
They were coy at first. I said, 'The people are tired.
They'll vote their pocketbook, yes, but they'll vote their heart.
How do I know? I'm out there with them every day.
Go down to the lumber mills. Go down to the trucks stops...
What happened in 1975?
In 197...
Don't run off.
Don't run off. We need you.
You know why?
You're why we're here.
Your script is why we're here.
Big deal, we fight a little bit. You show me a family that doesn't.
But we got something good here. You know what it is?
We're here to make a movie.
We can't use the old mill. That happens.
What you got to do is figure out the essence.
What is it that brought us all here?
It wasn't the building, Joe.
It was an idea.
What is the essence of your story, Joe?
It's about a man who gets a second chance.
Then you write that.
And then this is our second chance. That's why we're all here.
I want to make a good film.
I know you do.
And maybe it will be a better film without the old mill.
Hey, it's with the gods.
We don't have the money. We got to write it out.
And that's a lesson.
- Did you get your typewriter yet? - No.
Grace, get on the other phone. Get Mr. White his typewriter.
Yeah, Have what's-her-name send up some nosh.
- What do you drink? - I don't drink.
Did my matzos come?
Get some for everybody.
Thank you.
Let me tell you about my first picture.
The chairs go.
- The La-Z-Boy goes. - Not the La-Z-Boy.
The La-Z-Boy goes.
- Hi, Sherry. Where do you want it? - In the living room.
- And we have thirteen at table. - We don't have thirteen.
Bob Barrenger, Claire Wellesley, the director.
Then, you can invite someone else.
I don't want to. This is the most exclusive dinner...
Do whatever makes you happy.
I'll be back with the butter churn.
And we need a blender bus.
That woman's gone crazy about this dinner party.
George, I want a city council meeting.
City council? Doug, the traffic light...
Fuck the traffic light.
I'm talking about three percent of the adjusted gross of a major movie
Hi...
I love your script.
- What? - You're still here.
- Morning, Annie. - See you at rehearsal tonight.
'In the name of justice, sir, I bid you pause, for she is our queen. '
That's very good.
In fact...
I'm not sure if I gave them a second chance or they're giving it to me.
That's the truth. The truth's best, don't you think?
You'd know better than me.
How can you say that?
It's in your script.
It's about getting a second chance, isn't it?
- 'You can go back. ' - How do I...
How do I do a film called The Old Mill when I don't have an old mill?
First, you got to change the title.
No, he doesn't want to work out with the Waterford Huskies.
Because he's Bob Barrenger.
Tell his girl in Aspen to ship his weights.
There you go, sir.
Well, fine. Then he won't do the pond scene.
Not unless he can work out.
Call his girl in Aspen. Get her to ship the weights out.
How much can they weigh?
Are these the ones?
Yes, who designed these costumes?
Who designed them? It looks like Edith Head puked
and that puke designed them. Get Courtney.
- Your wife's on the phone. - I have no wife.
Ok...
We need a new name for the movie. Where's the writer?
Roger.
Wally, I got to takes out the window from the dog.
- I can't shoot through... - What?
Claire has a problem.
Wally, If I have a moment of your time, look here.
I can not do this shot you want.
- Why not? - It gots a window with a dogs in it.
Should I push in, or lose the shot?
No, no, no. You cannot lose the shot.
The meaning of the film is in that shot.
But, Wally, the window to the firehut...
I don't care. Fix it.
Courtney...
did you show Claire these?
- Yes. - Did she throw up?
That's not very nice.
Oh, really? Why don't you sue me in the world court?
Did she like the costumes?
- I can't tell. - Why not?
She won't stop crying.
Oh, goody.
Find out when Marty Rossen's arriving. Get lilacs for the broad.
Town's out of lilacs.
You go to her room. You take the lilacs from the water
dry them, get some cellophane, wrap them up, get a card from Marty.
Right.
What's her problem?
She doesn't want to bare her breasts.
She doesn't wanna bare her breasts. What? In the nude scene?
Why are we paying her three million dollars?
She got religion.
Her religion bars her from fulfilling her contract.
What is she doing in there?
What?
Claire.
What is it, pal?
What?
I can't do it, Walt.
You can't do what?
It isn't right. I can't. I know I signed the contract.
I don't know if they told me it was in the contract.
Forget the contract, Claire. What is it?
I don't want to take my shirt off.
What are these things they're asking of me?
I try to be good. All I care about is...
I know that.
- Is the movie. - I know that. We all know.
Everybody, they...
- They treat me like a child. - No, they don't.
Now, Claire.
To bare my body.
What are they asking of me?
Now, look, Claire.
I want to tell you a story.
What?
Fuck flowers. This isn't about flowers.
This is about a human being.
Lilacs.
- Who are these from? - Marty.
Well, that's very thoughtful of him.
- Eleanora Duse. - I can't.
Listen to me. Eleanora Duse was playing Hamlet in London in 1905.
And royalty could not get a ticket.
She said, 'I'm not doing the seven shows a week I signed for. '
She said, 'I can't bare my soul seven times a week. I am an artist.
I'll do four shows a week. '
The greatest actress of her time.
And do you know what her producer said?
- What? - Nothing. He held her and he wept.
Because he understood that that was her life's blood on the stage.
I know. I know.
And did she? She did the seven shows?
No, Claire, she didn't. But I think you should do this scene.
- Wally - I know. I know. I know.
It's the hardest thing in the world.
And sometimes it seems that everybody wants a...
- Wants a piece of us. - Yes!
And do you know what?
We have to give it.
What's her problem? She removes her shirt to do a voice over.
What's her problem? The country could draw her tits from memory.
Bill, call her agent in New York.
Tell him she's breaking her contract. We're very upset with her.
Get someone to double for her, her tits, the tits scene.
Call L.A. I want to see pictures of women's tits.
I'm very sorry.
You're very sorry, you passive aggressive, son of a bitch!
- Can we replace him? - We shoot in three days.
You wanna see the fireman’s costume I found this moleskin for collars.
Marty Rossen's touched down.
It's not black, but looks black. Not brown...
Yup. It's faggy without being homosexual.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
He gets a second chance, and you get a second chance.
No, I don't.
He doesn't go back to the mill.
He gets a second chance to go back to the firehouse.
You don't need the old mill.
This is what... You see...
this is what the script is saying.
Hi, Annie
- Hi, Emma. See you tonight. - Go you Huskies!
Go you Huskies!
You have the two elements, fire and water.
The firehouse, and the old mill. You know? You could...
- What are you doing tonight? - Me?
Tonight? Tonight I have play practice.
Well, that's important.
Come on, people. Let's go!
Yeah.
Let's go, let's go! Come on, come on.
- You cool the broad out? - No, I left that for you.
That's thoughtful.
- This is good. You try this? - Oh, I'm going to eat carbohydrates.
Hey, dump this somewhere.
- Did you build this? - How was your flight?
We're flying over pigs and sheep.
- Did you bring Bob's weights? - They're coming FedEx.
What's in the bags?
My undies. If you can't get the picture off on time I'll wet myself.
- I'll get it off. - 55 days I take home the camera.
I got an idea for a product placement.
- Hi, Sally. - Hiya, Doc.
- How's the arm? - Still itching.
Good. A sign it's getting well.
Afternoon.
- Stop. - That's what I told you.
How are you getting on with these fine people?
Like dykes and dogs.
Did you see the grosses for Gandhi 2?
Yeah. Come in.
Oh, good.
I just...
Prices are going up.
That's the way of the world, isn't it? Everybody's got to eat.
Way of the world.
Well, I'm being pretty impolite.
Would you like some?
I don't eat vegetables.
I could offer you something to drink.
Sure, what have you got?
What do you drink?
Bourbon and milk.
How old are you?
I hope you wouldn't tell anyone that I gave this to you.
I would never tell anyone anything that happened between
me and my friend.
Nice town you got here.
We could see it a lot better from the roof.
Wouldn't that be dangerous?
Not if you have something to hold on to.
The requirement is you tell me what the shot is.
Because if you cannot tells me what is it...
how can I take pictures of it?
Wally wants me to push in through the window.
How can I push in through the window?
Telephone.
Sucuza
Sure.
- Hello. How are you? - I thought you had play practice.
- What happened? - Cast stood me up.
They're all preparing for the auditions for your movie.
My glasses fell apart. I lost...
Lost the screw?
- Evening, Annie. - Evening, sweetheart.
- Go you Huskies! - You said it.
Do you like kids?
I never saw the point of them.
Me too.
You have a paper clip?
- To fix my glasses. - Better idea.
- Hold up, Kathy. I need you. - Ok.
Oh, watch out for that lure.
Can I get some fishing line from you?
Okay, let's see what we got.
A little fishing line and country wisdom...
and the world's our oyster.
I'll fix you up with a brand-new hinge.
Will be good as new.
Better than new, because it has a story.
Presto chango.
The inherently helpful qualities of everyday household things.
- There you go. - Thank you. Let me try.
Careful you don't burn yourself.
You know what you got there? A fishhook in your finger.
I'm right proud of you.
Let me tell you something Wally is a pussycat.
My thing is to see everybody does what they said they would.
Now, what is this?
You want $800,000 to do what you're being paid to?
You already signed you'd do? What is that?
I think I should talk to my agent, Marty. You and I...
- Who's her agent? - Mitch Cohen.
- Get him on the phone. - He's on the Island...
get him on the phone. I want you to hear this.
It's ringing.
I think that business matters should be discussed between...
I'm discussing them between you, babe, because it's your idea.
And you think you're going to sign to do a job, then hold us up,
Sweetheart, you're in error.
- He's on the phone. - Thank you.
Mitch, this is Marty Rossen. I'm in...
I'm somewhere in the... I'm on location.
I'm going to solve it, or this bimbo...
will be doing a donkey act on Public Access Television.
Hi
Her tits. Her tits. Her tits. Her tits. Her tits.
That she signed in her contract.
We hired her because of ten years at the Actors Studio?
Her last two pictures laid there on the screen like my first wife.
- You have no right... - Cool it. You started this.
- What... - Where have you been?
No, you tell me. You tell me now.
I got to shoot on Wednesday. I won't pay your blood money.
And P.S., I put the word out
and Betty Boop can find work in squiggle vision. Sit down.
I don't think you should talk to a lady like that.
- Would you excuse me, please? - You can't treat me like this.
- She's absolutely right. - I'm not a child. I have feelings.
I mean, don't you... Don't... Don't...
Because I want to tell you something
and I think you know what I mean.
Well, you call him, and call me back. But this is it, pal.
You fuck with me, I'll tear out your heart and piss on your lungs.
And the best to Marion.
Where have you been?
He says they're looking for you all day.
You're on salary. He needs pages. You been haying? Now...
Later, Walt. Let's get this. We need the pages for The Old Mill.
- We need a new title, a... - Rewrite for Bob's dead horse scene.
Go do it. How you doing on the permit?
- It's just a formality. - That's why I want it.
Type it and get it back to me at...
I can't.
- Don't tell me you can't write it? - I can't type it.
Why?
Hurt my finger.
Get him a typist. Get out of here.
Get out, or we'll have you killed.
- Eight hundred grand to show her tits. - Pay her.
- I don't got the money. - Find it.
A company'll give us $1,000,000 to put their product in the film.
- Product placement? What is it? - Take a look.
No, no, no... Just find me the money.
Okay. No, thank you. It's here.
Come in.
Hi.
Hi...
May I come in?
Please.
You said, 'You can't talk that way to a lady. '
You stood up for me.
- What do you have to drink? - I don't drink.
Matzo.
Are you Jewish?
Well, actually...
I love Jewish men.
Why?
You know.
Where's your bathroom?
So, you liked the script?
- Where have you been? - Hi.
- We had a date. - We did?
- Where have you been? - I've been thinking.
I know, because they told me you were with that writer from the...
You see? This is what I mean.
The whole town's been warped by the presence of the movie company.
They holler, and we jump.
You have a date. They call, you do business 9:00 at night...
I wasn't doing business.
What were you doing that's so important you shouldn't call your fiancé?
I have to tell you that it's all over between us, Doug.
I met somebody else
and it's very serious and it's over.
Wait, so serious you couldn't call to tell me you'd be...
What did you say?
It's all over between us. I've met someone else.
Who is this person that you've found?
He works on the movie.
No. Don't tell me that.
I'm sorry.
Can you type?
If you can type, they need you over at the hotel. Can you type?
Never admit you can type.
Ok...
All right, look.
I feel so close to you.
I like you very much.
I like you too.
Look, I met someone.
- Who is it? - Room service.
Could you leave it outside the door?
You have to sign for it.
- Excuse me. - Of course.
- Hi - Oh, God.
I'm going to be your typist for this evening.
And here's some hydrogen peroxide.
- I don't drink. - It's for your finger.
That's very thoughtful.
Here I am. Should we get down to it?
- Thought you might like these. - Thank you.
Read the card.
'To the love of my life. Love, Doug. '
The other side.
Wait. Wait. Where are you going?
Shouldn't we put these in water?
For God's sake, why?
Because if you don't, they die.
And in my opinion that makes them so much less attractive.
Wait. You shouldn't do that.
Wait.
Yup. The little things mean a lot.
Yes, little things mean a lot. That's so true.
For example, I once had an uncle...
who was bit by a spider and he lost his sense of smell.
- Can I have a cracker? - Please.
Shouldn't we start?
Start?
Start typing.
This isn't a good time.
Oh. All right.
Then I'll come back at a better time.
- What would be a better time? - Later on.
Then I'll come back then.
You going out with your fiancé tonight?
No. That's not happening.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hi
It occurred to me you'd want to have this memento of our...
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
She came in here...
Wait, she...
I was giving her a massage.
Wait.
Wait. She came in here. She...
With due respect, she took off her clothes...
and got into bed and I said we could not
because we don't know each other.
We had a script conference.
And I said thank you very much.